What is Inner Knowing? 3 Ways You Can Connect with Your Inner Wisdom
What is inner knowing? Is it the same as intuition, or different? What is this “woo woo” concept and why should we care?
Well, to answer the last sentence, we often say that there is no “should-ing” in therapy; “should” is a subjective concept that is often problematic, as it can cause us to assume certain behaviors and courses of action that aren’t actually in alignment with us or make us happy or fulfilled. Thinking such as “I should go to an Ivy League school” or “I should marry before I’m thirty” are just two prime examples of should-ing. When we think of terms of “should”, it is a sign that our thinking may be distorted. “All or nothing” thinking is a type of cognitive distortion that tends to be besties with should-ing.
The “shoulds” of life are what often bring many folks into therapy. Whether its feeling family or social pressure to conform to existing in a certain type of way, or feeling a need to prove your worth through external achievement or by seeking validation from others in your relationships, the feeling that we need to aspire to very specific ideals and timelines can cause distress and a feeling of misalignment in our lives. So we seek answers outside of us, whether its in seeking reassurance from social media, our friends, our therapist, or by engaging in unhealthy outlets to numb the discomfort of the nagging feeling that something just isn’t quite right. Something just feels like its missing.
The shoulds falsely lead us to seek external validation, which is inevitably an endless and unfulfilled pursuit which, if it even brings any relief at all, is short-lived. So what is the answer to the shoulds, or any other way of thinking that is causing us to feel confused, lost, or untethered? It’s turning within and seeking those answers within ourselves. Turning to our inner knowing, that little quiet voice inside of us that knows the answers that are in alignment with our values and needs. But how do we tap into that little voice?
As usual, our bodies have the answers and if we listen closely (or should I say, feel, closely) sometimes we can know when we have tapped into our inner knowing by how we feel when thinking about a decision: it’s the exhale and weight lifted off of our shoulders when we think about not applying to that Ivy League school, but instead taking a year off to travel like we’ve always wanted to. It’s the palpable relief we experience at the thought of saying “no” to something we would normally say yes to in order to please others. Its the expansiveness and joy we feel at the thought of taking that art class we’ve been putting off. It’s the sudden, knowing calm we feel when we bravely decide to uncouple from a partner we are no longer compatible with, despite how much it hurts.
Your inner knowing is a compass that hums whenever you do that thing that makes you feel happy, relaxed, grounded and in alignment. Here are some suggestions for starting to get in touch with your inner knowing:
Be intentional about incorporating awe and joy into your day
Like they say, “use it or lose it.” Tapping into your inner knowing is like exercising a muscle you haven’t used in a while, so you may feel out of touch with this feeling of centeredness and groundedness. One helpful way to practice tapping into your inner knowing is to do things that actively bring you joy; this could be anything from going for a walk and actually paying attention to nature in your surroundings, to trying out a new hobby you’ve been thinking about. Focus on how you feel in your body when you are experiencing joy and awe in your daily life and practice leaning into what makes you feel good, which in turn will make it easier to lean into future scenarios that feel more truly in alignment with you.
Visualize to help with decision-making
Our brain cannot tell the difference between visualizing a scenario and actually doing it IRL; studies have shown that our brain releases the same chemicals in both situations, making visualization a powerful tool. When feeling torn about a decision, place your hand over your heart, and while breathing deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth, visualize the outcome of each scenario you are considering while focusing on how each makes you feel. When you think about decision #1 versus decision #2, does one make you feel more expansive in your body? Does your heart soar, or does it fall? Our bodies hold the wisdom and often know what we truly need and want before we are able to recognize it.
Tend to the basics first
If you’re at all familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you know that our basic needs need to be addressed before we are able to address our higher emotional needs. It can be difficult to ground ourselves into our inner knowing when are tired, hungry, sleep-deprived or sick. Getting sufficient sleep is extremely important for our overall brain health and emotional wellbeing as sleep deprivation can exacerbate existing symptoms of anxiety and depression, for example. Managing our stress, moving our bodies, and nourishing ourselves well will go a long way toward helping us be able to attend to what serves our highest good.
So please, go have a smoothie, take a nap, go to your yoga class, breathe deeply and make sure your basic needs are met first. Enjoy at least 10 minutes of sunlight every day. Get good sleep. And don’t forget to stop should-ing yourself.