Bad emotions don’t exist.

I probably have your attention now. After all, you’ve had your share of “bad” emotions, right? That weekend (or week, let’s be honest) you spent grieving the end of your last relationship, nestled in your couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream with disheveled hair and Kleenex burn on your nose? That certainly didn’t feel GOOD, right? Or that time you didn’t get the promotion you worked so hard for despite months of diligently logging overtime hours, going above and beyond your job duties, skipping out on social events with friends so you could focus on work, and even engaging in the dreaded office small talk because diplomacy is the name of the game? Nope. You were passed over quicker than you could say “LinkedIn.” THAT didn’t feel good either.

We’ve all had our share of setbacks, loss, disappointment, anger, and sadness. It is a universal human experience and we have all been on that proverbial couch with the box of Kleenex and experienced pain in one way or another. You are NOT alone. These emotions, however, tend to get labeled as “bad” or “negative” emotions. When we label something as “bad” or “negative” we are assigning a lesser value to that thing. Joy isn’t better or more valuable than grief; both have equal value to offer and both mirror a different facet of the human experience.

Bad emotions don’t exist because there is no such thing as “bad” input. When we experience an internal or external event, we receive information in the form of emotions that informs us about how that event impacted us. Emotions are simply neutral input, and input is data; data offered up to us by our subconsciousness and by our nervous system, nudging us and saying “Hey, take a look at this.” All data is strained through a filter, and this is where we can run into trouble. The quality of our filters determines the quality of our data and thus influences our response to it. If, for example, you have a core belief (filter) that the world is an unfair place that will always disappoint you, an external event such as not being promoted at work will influence how you perceive the emotion of disappointment you experience. It’s not our emotions that are flawed. It’s our filters that will determine our attitude toward our emotions.

So let yourself feel disappointed, sad, or angry without judging the emotion (or yourself, for that matter). It is all an equally valuable and valid experience. And revel in that good cry, my friend, because that is what Kleenex are for.